Updated: Jan 2, 2019
”To new beginnings - I’m not afraid of starting over with love. I’m just afraid of wasting my time. Last year, I had so many let downs and heartaches. I can’t bring that into this new year. I’ve learned to not put too much into something or someone. My fear is that I’m becoming immune to the thought of giving my heart. I’m becoming a person of less love and less tolerance. I don’t want to. I have faults inside and in order for me to fully enjoy my life I must let go.” - excerpt from Blossoming: The Diary of a Rose by Maya E.
That excerpt describes my thoughts, at the end of 2017/beginning of 2018, almost to a tee! Not only did I realize I needed to let go of the let downs and heartaches, but I also realized I needed to move forward with living life, purposefully and unapologetically!
On this last day of 2018, I’m grateful for so many things, and also hopeful for many more at the same time. My biggest accomplishment in 2018 was definitely taking my personal leap of faith, kicking off this blog, and with that, sharing my words and expression with the world. I had many hesitations, as we usually do with things that prove later to be great next steps for us in life. But, I found that the best motivation and inspiration, for me, was realizing, through another person’s struggle or process, how doable it is to make that first step. That being said, I only think it right to share with you, my readers (insert big cheesy smile here), the beginning of my process.
It all began with me trying to keep it all together (in my mind at least)! In doing so, I finally, one day, realized how people could actually lose themselves, trying to keep it all together for everyone else. It was a challenging day for me and one of my friends realized this just from me typing a few lines in a moms group chat, to which I, along with a number of fabulous other like-minded boss moms, belong. So she took the time out of her busy day (because this woman is a real life MOM BOSS), called me, and tried to help me figure out what my next steps in life needed to be. She asked me a series of questions about what I wanted. But, after 7 minutes or so she said to me, “You just spent 7 minutes talking about everyone but yourself - your son, your mom, your dad, your sister - I still don’t know what you want. You are not in tune with yourself. You need to figure out what you want!”
This conversation was a real wake up call for me. I was in tears realizing that such a smart, intelligent, strong woman as myself had somehow lost, not only my way, but also myself and my purpose, somewhere along the path of life. So, I immediately began to think about my purpose. Not that I hadn’t thought about it before, but this time, I wrote my thoughts on paper. Why did I choose to write them down this time? Because when you write things, it’s a confirmation to yourself, and no longer just a thought. So, in all honesty, I had been thinking for a good while, that my purpose in life is to help others find peace. However, because I’d been both 1 ) a little unsure of how to live out this purpose and 2) resisting the purpose as I tried to live for society, I now had to commit to my own personal journey to find peace for myself. You see, I have to find peace for myself in order to help others find it. I love to both motivate and feel motivated. If there’s a way that I can help people be better people, or find their better selves down within, then I’d be happy. I think I have been given the gift of inspiring words, a calming spirit, strength and resilience. All qualities that are capable of bringing love, peace and happiness to myself, as well as others. Although I don’t always feel these things myself, I long to, and know how important it is to feel them…..to conquer them! I want them for myself, and for others.
Many women, and men, get lost along their life path, without them even knowing. We aren’t exactly given clear directions at the start of the journey, only the tools of thought and ability. It’s like you just navigate life on auto-pilot, until one day you’re off course, wondering what in the hell happened! Well, what happened was that you were allowing life to navigate you, instead of you navigating life! I want to help women, black women, people of color, moms, single moms, parents, single parents, hopeless romantics, believers in a higher power (I am all these people) get back on course. I think in order to find peace and direction on your path, you have to first find yourself - who you are, what you want, where you want to go….And when you at least think you know the answers to these things, then you have to start to live according to the answers. The only way you reach a goal is to progress towards it. It is often easy to live for family, loved ones, friends, children or society, setting goals that take them into account. But, where do you come in? Who is accounting for you? YOU must account for YOU! You must LIVE for YOU!
From my heart to yours: I was fortunate to realize that I had veered off course, and to realize clearly what my purpose may be. You can too. It’s there in front of you, clear as day. Just use the tools and abilities you’ve been gifted. Think with your head, but more importantly, pull from your heart, because most times your purpose lies in what you’re most passionate about.
I wish you blessings upon blessing upon blessings in this new year to come, and many many more beyond! I pray that, if you’ve derailed, as most of us do, you get back on your life track, find your purpose and passionately live it! No better time than the present!
Peace, Happiness, Love and Light! ❤️✨
Happy New Year!