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  • Writer's pictureLola

Attention without Intention

Have you ever really been into someone and it seems like the feeling is mutual, because you think they’re giving you meaningful attention? But then, boom, nothing! Or, even better, you have great conversation, swap great stories, express how much you’re into each other, but yet, nothing ever comes of it, other than eventually, an occasional “Hey, what’s up?” or even “Hey, sexy. How you doing?” and even worse, the “WYD”.

There can actually be two scenarios to this kind of relationship. The person who never quite falls off the face of the earth, but instead keeps the dialogue going just enough to stay relevant, however, never bringing anything solid to the table. Or, the person who continuously keeps in contact, showers you with attention, but never confirms an intention. In both cases, let’s just call it what it is…..“Attention without Intention”. And I don’t know about you, but I, myself, am quite tired of it. It’s exhausting! And unnecessary!

Why do people waste their energy on giving others attention, with no real intention to move forward with a more meaningful relationship? And yes, I’m talking romantically! Because most likely that person has given some indication of romance to be considered subject to either category of relationship. Yes, there are people who only want friendship, and that’s absolutely fine, if both parties understand that. But, when one person is misled by romantic-like attention, only to find out (if lucky) that there were either (1) never any or (2) some, but they disappeared somewhere along the way, it can be pretty heart breaking and disgusting. The simple solution is to be honest. If you’re just flirting, make that known. If you want more than just flirting, but maybe too shy to move forward, try to come out of your shell, or retreat at some point if you can’t. If you’re not sure what you want, make that known. Whatever it is, make it known!

Personally, my time is already limited, as a single mother, so I’d rather not waste time daydreaming about something that will never come to fruition, or trying to figure out what it is. The truth is, most people, whether a parent or not, man or woman, would rather not waste their time, or have it wasted by someone else. So, whoever you are (because we all are guilty of it and all are also victims of it), next time you find yourself giving attention with no intention, make sure the person on the receiving end knows where you stand. It’s just the right thing to do, and let’s face it, the world (dating world especially) could use a lot more “right” in it.

From my heart to yours: If you find yourself in this situation as the receiver, and it’s not exactly where you want to be (i.e., you want something more, or never agreed to a different understanding), remember your worth! Never try to sell yourself something for which you didn’t go shopping, or even worse, settle for something because you think it’s all you can get, or deserve. I promise, you deserve more!



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